The Life And Ministry Of William Abbott
“Conflicts And Conquests” (1815), Pages 1-17:
By William Abbott
As all are born in sin, and by nature children of wrath, all are subject to bondage through the fear of death; this I found by experience at an early age: and as I increased in years, and multiplied my transgressions, the greater fear and dread I had of this king of terrors. As this O bondage is natural to us, so it is natural for us to have recourse to something that we consider to be virtuous, godly, or religious, in order to obtain peace and quietness of mind: and whatever mode of worship, or outward form of religion we have been brought up to, or that may be proposed to us by those whom we suppose to be godly people, to this we turn our attention, some making greater progress in these things, and others less; the main spring of action being the fear of death. In this manner I went on in the Dissenter’s form, until I was eighteen years of age, but cannot say with the Apostle, that “I profited in my religion above many my equals in mine own nation, being more exceedingly zealous of the traditions of my fathers.” Gal. 1:14; for I often found my zeal for religion quenched by the power of sin and corruption; yet often wondering and greatly reflecting on myself, especially in times of affliction, because I made so little progress in what is called by some, the divine life. I now consider this among other mercies, that I attained to no greater things in this way, knowing that the more there is of religion in the form only, that in the general, the professors of it are the most carnally secure. I never could do sufficient to make me conclude as others have done, that my state was good and safe; neither did what I heard of the doctrines of the gospel in the letter of them, bring me into a state of vain confidence and ease.
At this age, and in this legal-striving state, I was brought by the kind providence of God under his ministering servant, Mr. Huntington; where I had not attended long before I was convinced, and brought to believe, that it was the work of the Almighty to make a man a Christian, and that such had an experience that I was entirely ignorant of. And here I may notice the distinguishing grace and goodness of God, who prevented me from falling into those snares by which satan has entangled many, who have, in the course of providence, been brought to hear that man of God. Some, in this legal-striving state, as soon as the light has discovered the shallowness of their religion, have departed, from an hatred to it, and this is their condemnation; others, have heard the word, and anon with joy received it, and in a time of temptation have fell away: and some who have had convictions and delusive joys under false teachers, have taken his terms and mode of expression, and applied them to their deceptions, who by so doing have been ranked amongst the foremost for men of experience; and many have been much staggered when such have turned aside to lies, or after all have mingled with the dead,—“No man,” says the Saviour, “putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment: for that which is put in to fill it up, taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse. Neither do men put new wine into old bottles: else the bottles break, and the wine runneth out, and the bottles perish,” Matt. 9:16,17.
By the good hand of the Lord, I escaped these snares of the fowler. I was convinced more and more, that I was destitute of those things that are essential to salvation, and had wrought in me an earnest desire after divine instruction; so that my ear was inclined unto wisdom, and I applied my heart unto understanding. I was encouraged to cry after knowledge, and to lift up my voice for understanding: to seek for her as for silver, and to search for her as for hid treasure, Prov. 2:2-4. In this state I continued upwards of two years before I felt much of the weight of my sin, or the wrath and bondage of the law, that ministration of death and condemnation. I had the fear of death about me, and light to see the necessity of the new birth, and with this an anxious desire of being led into the way of life.
About this time it pleased the Lord to exercise me with a spirit of heaviness, which sunk me exceeding low; “Fearfulness and trembling came upon me, and horror overwhelmed me.” I wondered at the strange thing that was come to me, and very much feared it would terminate in death and destruction. Under this I cried and called to the Lord, but found no relief as yet; and whilst wondering what all this meant, these words sounded in my soul, and were as one speaking to me: “Fools, because of their transgression, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted.” Psalm 107:17; whereupon I perceived that sin was the cause of my trouble, and soon found myself in possession of the iniquities of my youth, as a burden too heavy for me. The sensations of my soul were now very keen: if I read the word, it pierced me; and when I heard preaching, I was pricked in the heart. A fool the Lord said I was, and a fool I saw and felt myself to be. The terrors of God were set in array against me, and the arrows of the Almighty were within me, the poison whereof drank up my spirits, Job 6:4. I had at this time a strong faith in the wrath of God, his justice, holiness, and immutability, and in his sovereign decrees. The dread of damnation, and the fears of my being in a state of reprobation, most awfully harrowed up the enmity and rebellion of my heart. “A wounded spirit who can bear?” The burden of guilt which I felt, the sight of my inward pollution, the hardness of my heart, the apprehensions of wrath that I had, and the temptations that I laboured under, sunk me deep into the dark regions of despondency and despair.
The first two months that I was in this state the Lord was pleased to give me, at different times, some encouragement, in hearing and reading the word. These words were very strengthening to me: “I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction and a sermon from Rom. 8:26; “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities, with groanings that cannot be uttered.” Under this discourse, my burden was in a great measure removed, and I had a comfortable hope of being brought to see the Lord’s salvation: this lasted a short time, and I sunk again under my fears and temptations. The storm and tempest was exceeding heavy upon me for about four months longer, and I was very much tempted to give over seeking the Lord, to harden myself, and seek for what pleasure there is to be found in sin. This I endeavoured to do; not with any great expectations of enjoying much pleasure in the way of transgressors, which Solomon says, is hard; for I knew from my youth up, that when I sought after pleasure in this way, that a guilty conscience and the fear of death were as a cankerworm at the root of it all, so that I found destruction and misery in all my ways, for the way of peace I had not known; still I thought; a little ease and a little pleasure, poor and wretched as it might be, would be better than being thus swallowed up with fear in this life, and after death to have eternal misery.
But the Lord who is rich in mercy, for the great love wherewith he loved me even when in this stubborn and rebellious state, was pleased to quicken me afresh, that I might call upon his name, which I did, with much fervency of spirit; and soon found a hope spring up within me, which was greatly encouraged by these words; “Ask, and you shall receive,—seek, and you shall find,—knock, and the door shall be opened unto you.” Under the ministry of Mr. Hungton this hope was fed and nourished; and though his ministry searched and tried me, yet I seldom or ever heard him from this time to my being brought out, but what I found encouragement.
After following on, seeking, watching, and waiting, about four months, it pleased the Lord to manifest himself to me, which was on the sabbath morning, of the fourteenth of February, 1796. When I awoke out of sleep, I felt the state of my soul to lay with great weight on my mind, and a fear of sinking back into that despondency and despair, out of which the Lord had raised me; and was very earnest with the Lord to be satisfied with my interest in his great salvation. I was led in prayer to address the person of the Saviour, as the Almighty and eternal God, who took on him my nature to redeem poor lost, perishing sinners; I felt a power operate on my soul, which caused great cravings and longings, which could be satisfied no other way than by the Lord Jesus Christ revealing himself to me, which he condescended to do, in a most powerful and conspicuous manner, as my God, my Saviour and Redeemer. I saw nothing with my bodily eyes, nor was there anything impressed on my mind or imagination, of a man upon a cross; but I felt a power in my soul, by which I was confident, that he that was present with me, was truly and properly God, and that he did in human nature, suffer, bleed, and die for me.
The unutterable love and condescension of this great and glorious object, and the sense I had of the intenseness of his sufferings, and that for one so vile and base as I then, in the glass of his sufferings, saw myself to be, caused me to weep aloud. After I had been mourning and weeping over the Lord a short time, and blessing him for his dying love, I felt an unutterable joy spring up in my heart, which made me, as expressed in the twelfth of Isaiah, “Cry out, and shout the joy which I drew out of the wells of salvation, occasioned this, nor was it in my power to prevent it. The words which I shouted, were expressive of the feelings of my soul, they were these:—
“Thou dear Redeemer, dying Lamb!
I’ll sing thy praise to harps of gold.
Because thou shed’st thy blood for me.”
This mighty river of love flowed so powerful, and came so suddenly into my soul, that I could not stop to search for words, to pour forth the joy unspeakable; these made use of, appeared to me as if put into my mouth. And what I meant by them was this, that I would praise him with the best praises, and in the highest strains, and that because he shed his blood for me. Thus was my prayer answered; and I rejoiced with that joy which is unspeakable, and full of glory.
In the forenoon of that day, Mr. Huntington preached from Zech. 9:14: “And the Lord shall be seen over them, and his arrow shall go forth as the lightning: and the Lord God shall blow the trumpet, and shall go with whirlwinds of the south.” When he came to treat of the whirlwinds of the south, he sweetly described that powerful and heavenly gale which I had felt that morning. There appeared to be something singular in his being led to handle a text, in the which, the unutterable joys I felt are so strikingly set forth; and so there did in his taking the latter part of the next verse, the Monday evening following: “They shall drink, and make a noise as through wine, and they shall be filled like bowls, and as the corners of the altar.” This portion of the word of God, Mr. Huntington considered to be a prophesy of what took place on the day of pentecost, and as being applicable, more or less, to the experience of the children of God in general, when the Holy Ghost operates in them as the Spirit of love and power; when Jesus Christ is revealed with all his saving benefits, and the love of God is shed abroad in the heart, casting out all fear and torment; and the sinner is sealed to the day of redemption: so he preached, and so I believed. I found henceforth heavenly days. I was brought into the banqueting-house, and the Saviour’s banner over me was love; and I took great delight in hearing and in reading the word; and in private had sweet intercourse and communion with my God. The name of Immanuel was as an ointment poured forth; he was the first in my thoughts in the morning, and the last at night. When I laid me down, I slept in peace, for he sustained me, and my sleep was sweet unto me; and when I awoke, he was still with me, and I spake of his righteousness and of his salvation all the day long, for I knew not the numbers thereof, Psal. 71:15.
William Abbott (?-1838) was a sovereign grace preacher. He was a regular minister of the gospel to churches meeting at Mayfield, Five Ash Down and Sussex. He published a small book recording some of his experiences, including a few letters and an answer to malicious allegations that had been brought against him.
